Thinking of Ken Ken - October 31, 2011

Michelle Roberts just posted a blog entitled "Baby Ken Ken's Final Days with Us", http://interchangeability.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/tiny-baby-kenkens-final-days-with-us/.  As much as I hate to think about it, Ken Ken is not long for this world, most likely, a couple of days at most.  How could such a tiny little boy have such a huge impact on my life?

I find myself sitting here in my room wandering why things happen the way they do.  I know in my heart of hearts that everything happens for a reason.  As human beings, and as Christians, we are simply not capable of understanding God's Will.  It is only human though to wander why.  Ken Ken came into this world on December 12, 2010.  I can't see him living until his first birthday.  He came into this world innocent.  Given his condition and the conditions surrounding him, he stood very little chance.  But God put Ken Ken on this earth for a reason.  Maybe that reason was for Ken Ken to touch my life.  How ironic would that be?  Because of Ken Ken I met Michelle and Greg Roberts.  Ken Ken sat off a chain reaction that will be felt in Haiti for a long time to come.

Ken Ken is one of the most precious children I have ever seen.  I never once saw him cry.  Maybe he was just too weak to cry.  If only he knew how many lives he has touched in his very short lifetime.  I know that God has a very special place prepared for Ken Ken in Heaven.  I cringe when I think that I want him to die so he will suffer no more.  His body will be perfect when God cradles him in his arms.

I am experiencing a broad range of emotions right now.  I think back to when my children were young.  I think back to the joy of their birth.  How proud I was, how beautiful they were.  I think back to my oldest son Brandon, who was a pistol yet such a joy.  How he decided at the age of 2 or 3 to become a firefighter, and how he fulfilled that dream.  He is now serving in Afghanistan where he is a Firefighter/EMT.  I think about my youngest son Brett.  He was a child of very few words yet his eyes spoke volumes.  I think about my daughter Kayla.  How excited my wife was when she found out she was having a little girl, the answer to every parent's prayers.  And I think about my other "daughter", Tiffany.  She came into our lives while I was in Iraq.  She is a great girl.  I think about my Mom, who passed away on December 26, 2000.  I think about how much he loved my kids and how she would have given her own life to save theirs.  I also find myself thinking about my failures as a father, a husband, a brother, a friend.  I have always loved my children but I have also failed them more times than I can count.  Yet, their love is unconditional, such is the love of God.  I thank Him that my children were blessed with a wonderful mother.  So many children here in Haiti are without a mother or a father, or both.  I hope and pray that God provides someone to fill that role.

It's never to late.  If you are estranged from your parents or your children, swallow your pride.  Do what's right.  The love of your family is irreplaceable, yet is profound, it is powerful.  The love of God can fix whatever is wrong in your life, if only you will accept him.  He knows that we are not perfect.  Heck, I've proven that over and over.  Yet, he has never forsaken me, even when I pushed him to the side.

Ken Ken, you are an angel.  I love you more than you will ever know.  And, if I do what's right, I'll see you again soon, if not on this side of Heaven.  I love you buddy.  To my family, I love you more than life itself.  To Greg, Michelle,  your family and Chelsey  thank you for being Ken Ken's guardian angels.  And thanks for making me a small part of your lives here in Haiti.  God will reward you for the things you have done.

Why am I a police officer in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere?  I'm not sure I know the full answer to that question.  As I sit here tonight, I find myself longing to be home with my family.  To be in my house, or riding my motorcycle.  To see my Dad, my sisters, my brother-in-law Kevin.  To sit on my porch and look across the road at the lake.  To feel cold air blowing on my face.  To see my best friend Rick, or the Reagan family or my other friends.  While all of those desires are legitimate, they are also very selfish.  God has plan.  Maybe that plan involves me going home sooner than later.  Maybe his plan involves me being here another 21 months.  Only he knows.  Where there is a way, he will provide that way.  It's not up to me to question his Will, though I find myself doing just that on a regular basis.

Give your kids a hug and a kiss tonight.  If not in person, then in your thoughts.  Until next time, take care, stay safe and God Bless.

    

October 29, 2011

I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would bring you up to date.  I often speak of my experiences here in Haiti.  What I have failed to spend much time on is my family.  I am blessed beyond anything that I deserve.  I have an incredible wife, four great kids, a great father and two great sisters.  You add to that by extended family, my wife's family and a guy couldn't ask for much more.  I find myself asking why God has blessed me so richly.

My wife is an incredible woman and a wonderful mother.  She has put up with way too much.  She has had to listen to me complain about the professional side of this mission far too many times.  I'm just kind of person who prefers not to earn my money the easy way.  I came here to work.  Unfortunately, I've came to the realization, finally, that my perception of "work" is different from what is really going on.  I guess in some ways it is "work" to be away from home, in the heat every day and in a 3rd or 4th world country.  I guess I just feel like we could accomplish a whole lot more here.  But, I'm not in charge so I'm going to drop the subject.

My oldest son Brandon is 22.  He is currently a Firefighter/EMT at Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan.  He's only been there about a week but seems to be adjusting.  My youngest son Brett is 20 and is a Junior at College of the Ozarks, www.cofo.edu, in Branson, MO.  He is also the founder of Stay Positive, www.staypositive.me which is an uplifting and hugely successful blog.  He has some very exciting things going on in his professional life.  My daughter Kayla is 18.  She currently works with the developmentally disabled near Springfield, MO.  And last but not least is Tiffany.  Tiffany is Brandon's girlfriend and is a full time nursing student.  Again, I am definitely blessed.  The rest of my immediate family includes my father, Bill and my sisters Debbie and Myra along with my brother-in-law Kevin who is a master cabinet maker and the guy who pretty much keeps everything running at home, including my house, cars, motorcycles, etc.  Not sure what I would do without him.

So, things are moving along here in Haiti, though sometimes it seems as though it is at a snail's pace.  November 13 will mark 3 months of service.  I actually arrived in country on August 4 but did not receive my initial assignment until August 13.  The 3 month mark is important because it means that we can ask for a transfer to a different assignment outside of our region.  I personally have no intention of changing assignments again anytime soon but I know a lot of guys and gals who hope to do so.  Some want to go to the regions, Jacmel, Jeremie, Cap Haiten, etc.  I guess you could describe those areas as being "away from the flagpole."

For me, I'm confident that I stay here in Port-Au-Prince.  It's costing me a small fortune to live here but it's really convenient.  My accommodations are safe and secure, and most of all reliable.  I have consistent electricity, air conditioning, access to food and water, a hot shower, television and internet.  I also have a core group of friends, James, Russell, Debra, Neil, Shawn, Micah, Phil and so on.  While I would love tosave more money, there are also some creature comforts that I'm not willing to give up without a fight.  Some look at that as weakness, I look at it as smart.  I'm confident that I can do the most good right where I'm at.

As I've said before, if I only had the mission to rely on, I would be in trouble.  I thank God that he brought others into my life.  I often speak of Greg & Michelle Roberts from Chadasha Foundation.  Our friendship continues to grow.  These are two amazing people, along with Chelsey and the rest of their group.  While it often appears that there is very little happening here that actually benefits the Haitian people, I cannot say the same about Chadasha Foundation, www.chadasha.org and Rebuild Globally, www.rebuildglobally.org.  And there is the www.apparentproject.org.  Christmas is right around the corner.  If you're looking for a truly unique gift, that also benefits someone other than your typical corporation, then I encourage you to check out sandals made by Rebuild Globally or jewelry, purses or metal art marketed by Apparent Project.

God definitely works in mysterious ways.  He brought these people into my life when I was at one of my lowest points.  Thru Michelle, we were able to help Ken Ken, a 9 or 10 month old little boy who is the size of a newborn.  While he is very, very sick I know that we have made his life better, if only for a little while longer.  I've also become fast friends with Michee, a 20 year old guy who lives in the Internally Displaced Persons (IDP) camp where I used to work.  I love this kid.

I am currently assigned to an area near the ocean here in Haiti.  While overall, conditions are better than Port-Au-Prince proper, it is still a depressed area.  It seems as though you are either wealthy here in Haiti or you are living in abject poverty.  There does not seem to be a middle class.  75% of the population is unemployed yet they are always in a hurry to go somewhere.  It has definitely been an experience so far.  We'll see what God has in store for the future.

I'm still focused on getting a wheelchair to the guy I talked about before.  I just haven't had the opportunity to confront him while having someone with me to translate.  I know that God will provide a way though.

In about 25 days I will take a few days off.  We work 7 days per week here.  I'm looking forward to the break.  I'm not planning on going anywhere, just hanging out here and hopefully I'll finally make it to the Chadasha Foundation children's home.  When I finish that short block of leave, I will return to work for 21 days and then go home for Christmas.  I can hardly wait.

Well, that's about it for now.  I hope that this posting finds each of you healthy and happy.  Until next time, take care, stay safe and God Bless.

October 22, 2011

I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would bring you up to date.  Since changing assignments, my opportunities to "make a difference" have been somewhat reduced.  But, I know that God will present me with opportunities when he sees fit to do so.

I have to admit that I enjoy working day shift only.  The night shifts were brutal.  I'm not as young as I used to be.

Right now, I am focused on a man I have seen 3-4 times over the past couple of weeks.  I currently work in an area about 45-60 minutes away from Port-Au-Prince.  I see this man scooting along side the road, using only his hands and arms.  I'm assuming that he is paralyzed from the waist down.  I stopped to talk to him yesterday but I didn't have an interpreter with me.  I wanted to find out if he would be interested in a wheel chair.  I simply couldn't overcome the language barrier.

I saw him again this morning, but I wasn't driving and we were already past him when I spotted him.  I am intent on getting him a wheelchair, if he wants one.  With the generosity of Greg and Michelle Roberts from Chadasha Foundation, http://www.chadasha.org/ I will be able to give him a wheelchair.  I hope that he wants it and I hope that it will make his life somewhat easier.

It is heartbreaking and depressing to see some of the people here in Haiti.  But, I have resigned myself to the fact that I can't help everyone.  I also cannot pass up the opportunity to help some of them.  I continue to see Michee on a regular basis.  I have him come to where I live once per week.  I feed him a good meal and give him some money for his mother so she can buy groceries.  I also continue to help Rebuild Globally,  http://www.rebuildglobally.org/.  I wish I could do more.  It's very frustrating.

I hope to see Ken Ken again this week.  You can see additional photos of Ken Ken on my Facebook page.  I doubt that he will live much longer.  It absolutely breaks my heart.  I know though that I did everything I could for him.   I just thank God that Michelle and Greg from Chadasha answered my call.  Perhaps God has another plan for Ken Ken.

I continue to struggle with this mission.  I'm not placing blame on anyone.  It just seems that there is so much more that can be done.  But, I do my job every day and I try to go the extra mile and do what I feel God wants me to do.  I no longer focus on the mission.  My focus is on helping when and where I can.

In the past couple of days I've performed first aid on a couple of people.  The most recent was the victim of a motorcycle accident.  Several of the Haitians think I'm some sort of doctor.  Today, my team leader came up to me and handed me a prescription from a doctor for one of the jail inmates where I worked.  He asked me if I could fill the prescription.  I really got a big chuckle out of that.  So far, I've used a lot of my first aid supplies.  As soon as I get home I have to bring back my Combat Life Saver (CLS) bags that I had in Iraq.  They are packed with first aid supplies.

Well, that's about it for now.  I am including some photos of a few places outside of Port-Au-Prince.  There really are parts of Haiti that are beautiful.  I hope that this posting finds each of you healthy and happy.  Until next time, take care, stay safe and God Bless.

A Time for Faith

As much as I hate to, there are some things that I need to be honest about.  While I can't tell you everything that is on my mind, I can tell you some things that I believe are important.

For me, this mission started out on the wrong foot.  There was some going back and forth about when I would leave for the pre-deployment training in Virginia.  And, I admit that I was frustrated.  But, this is common with international missions and I should have realized that, being an international mission veteran (Iraq -2006/2007).

A few days before leaving for Virginia, I purchased a brand new laptop computer.  A few days later I managed to shatter the screen.  So, I went and purchased another laptop computer.  A few days after arriving in Haiti, that brand new computer decided to go down on me.  I let a lot of little things bother me, things that are not that important in the grand scheme of things.

As I begin my third month here in Haiti I find myself searching for the reason or reasons I am here.  I can tell you that I"m not here for the reasons that I initially thought.  I'm not here just for the money.  Though I would be less than truthful if I didn't admit that the money played a role in my decision to come here.  I'll just leave it at that.

Many aspects of this mission are simply beyond my control.  I have also come to realize that I need to re-focus my energy into something positive.  I have been harboring some pretty negative feelings.  One of my good friends in Iraq used to remind me that I needed to accept things for what they are, that I can't fix everything and there are some things that I cannot change.  How profound that statement has become in my current situation.

I am a career law enforcement officer.  While I am by no means perfect I have always worked hard, many times at the expense of my family.  Now, I find myself once again in a foreign country.  I never thought I would ever witness worse conditions than those I observed in Sadr City, Iraq which is a suburb of Baghdad.  In 2006/2007 this was one of the most dangerous places on earth, probably second to Fallujah.  The conditions there were deplorable.  However, the conditions here in Haiti are even worse.  I cannot even begin to describe the squalor these people live in.

Haiti was not in very good shape prior to the earthquake.  Now, it is even worse.  Hundreds of thousands were killed and many more were left homeless.  Those people now live in tents all through Port-Au-Prince and even in some of the outlying areas.  Very few Americans could tolerate these living conditions if they were placed in that situation.

Haiti is a very complicated country.  It is not a post-war country.  There has not been a civil war.  Since 1957, Haiti has had at least seventeen Presidents.  Compare this to the fact that the United States has only had forty-four Presidents since it's inception.  As far as I can determine, each of the Haitian Presidents has been corrupt.  The people have been "raped" and pillaged by their own government for the last fifty-four years.  The Presidents have become millionaires or billionaires while the people have become poorer and poorer.

While there are many things about this mission that I don't like, it's no longer about that.  And frankly, I have to somewhat careful about what I say.  I have finally came to the realization that this mission is not about the United Nations, the Haitian National Police or the other 48 or 49 countries that make up the United Nations. For me, this mission is about what I can do.

I know that my wife is growing tired of my complaining.  I complain out of frustration.  And often times, I am judgmental about it.  Thank God though that she listens.  And, she occasionally brings me back to reality with some "tough love."  She is an amazing woman.  I thank God that I have her.

From this point on I know that I will have good days and bad days.  I hope that the good outnumber the bad.  I am going to be less concerned about the mission and more concerned about what I can do as an individual. I will continue to do my job, the job I was hired for.  After all, my salary is paid by the American taxpayer.

Most importantly, I want to do what God wants me to do.  In past blogs I have mentioned several Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs).  Those being Chadasha Foundation, http://www.chadasha.org/ and Michelle and Greg Roberts.  These two people, and their staff, are doing incredible work, God's work.  I have grown to trust them and we have become friends.  And, I've mentioned Rebuild Globally, http://www.rebuildglobally.org/ which is another great NGO.  Julie Columbino and Sandra Fernandez, along with the rest of their staff, are incredible people.  They too are doing great work.

As a matter of fact, Sandra contacted me tonight.  She had with her two street kids.  One of the kids, 13 years old, needed medical attention.  I made a few phone calls and we got him the attention he needed.  These two boys literally live on the streets of Port-Au-Prince.  Their fathers were killed in the earthquake.  The mother of one has abandoned him and the mother of the other is unable to care for him because she herself is sick.  Hopefully, this kid can get the medical attention he needs now.  This action probably at a minimum saved his foot and more likely his life.  You can follow Sandra's one year journey here it Haiti at http://www.rebuildglobally.org/blog.html.

Well, rather than type a five page blog, let me get to the point.  As I said, I will continue to do the job I am being paid to do.  But more importantly, in my off time (which isn't much considering the fact that we work 7 days per week), I have decided, or God has decided for me, that I am going to focus my off-duty time on NGOs.  I want to know what NGOs are here in country.  I want to know what they do and how they can help me help someone else.  I will focus primarily on American NGOs, primarily because of the language barrier involved with other countries.  I hope to compile a detailed listing of the NGOs, what they can and can't do and then provide that listing to the NGOs themselves, so they can contact each other but also to my fellow UN police officers.  That way, they will no what resources are available to them and how to contact those resources.  I've learned, in the short time that I've been here, that most of the NGOs don't know each other.  If we work hard enough, we can create a conglomeration and help each other out.

While this may not sound like a big deal to you, it is a huge deal to me. I have been searching, nearly giving up, on why I am here.  God has presented opportunities time and time again.  I am just now realizing what I need to do.  I have to make a contribution to the people of Haiti as long as I am here.  I know that this is what God wants me to do.  Please pray for me and for the NGOs here in Haiti.  Most importantly, please continue to pray for Chadasha, Rebuild Globally and for the Haitian people.  Until next time, take care, stay safe and God Bless.

Not Much to Report

Well, I don't have much to report in this blog.  Since changing over to a new assignment on 9/26 I seem to have very little interaction with the locals.  But, I'm confident that God will present me with a situation where I can have a positive impact on someone.

For security reasons, I can't provide very many details about my current assignment.  I can tell you that I now work about 45-60 minutes away.  I miss the kids at my previous assignment, as well as my teammates there, but it was time for a change of scenery.  The night shifts were killing me.  This job is not fraught with danger. The danger is boredom.  While this is more than acceptable to a lot of people, I look at it differently.  I came here to work but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.  Even those who claim to "work", most are not.   But, it is what it is.

If not for some of the humanitarian work I've been able to do here, my time here has been pretty much a waste.  But again, it is what it is.  There are some things I simply cannot change.  I do my "job" and then I try and find a way to make even the slightest difference in the lives of some of the people here.  That alone could be a full time job.  When I end this mission, I will be free to tell you much, much more.

Anyway, until next time, take care, stay safe and God Bless.

A Day with Michelle

Today was a good day.  Those seem few and far between here when, on a daily basis, you see firsthand the suffering taking place in this country.

Today I had the opportunity to spend a couple hours with Michelle Roberts and her gang.  Michelle is part of a great organization, Chadasha Foundation, http://www.chadasha.org/.  I think I've mentioned them before on my blog, I know I have on my Facebook page.   Well, the blog is back.  I had pretty much decided to end this blog but then I got an injection of Faith today and decided to continue Haiti Five-0.  If for no other reason, I can use this platform to call attention to these organizations who are truly doing the right thing here in Haiti.  I'm referring specifically to Chadasha Foundation, Rebuild Globally http://www.rebuildglobally.org/ and The Apparent Project http://www.apparentproject.org/.  I'm sure there are more organizations operating here in Haiti but these are the three I am familiar with at this point.  I have met these people, I know what they are doing and I know their intentions.

Far too often, a country like Haiti is invaded by Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs).  Many do nothing when it comes right down to it.  That is not the case with the three I just mentioned.

I continue to be amazed by Michelle Roberts.  This lady possesses Faith that is almost indescribable.  If you could meet her you would know what I mean.  I can say the same for Julie Columbino from Rebuild Globally.     These are two amazing women.  I also have to give a shout-out to Sandra Fernandez of Rebuild Globally.  She is another person here who is doing the right thing.

Today was my last day off.  So, I went with Michelle and her gang to my old Camp, where I worked until September 26.  We went to check on Baby Ken Ken, a child in desperate need who I had came across towards then end of assignment there.  First off, there was a guy there with a bucket full of snakes.  Why you ask?  I have no idea.  I had never seen him before.  Being the adrenalin junkie that I am, I of course had to hold one of the snakes.  I'm guessing that it was a Boa Constrictor of some sort.  We snapped several photos and then moved on.

Back in September, with the help of several people we were able to rescue Ken Ken.  I am firmly convinced that without our intervention, Ken Ken would already be dead.

I was happy to see some of the friends I had made there, adults and children alike.    They also seemed truly happy to see me again.  What shocked me most of all was Ken Ken.  He looked so much better, though still grossly underweight.  But he looked "alive."  I give the credit for this, first to God but then to Michelle and Chadasha.  They brought this child back from the brink of death.

Ken Ken was alert, unlike the first time I saw him when he was so lethargic.  When we held him he was wide-eyed, he touched our faces, he felt heavier that last time.  For the first time since I found him, I felt as though he had a chance.  Because of his medical condition this may not be the case but from the looks of him today, God willing, he might have a chance.   There are great things in the future for this camp.  Michelle intends to visit the camp with one of her mobile medical teams.   I hope I can be there when this happens.

After we finished up at the camp we went to The Apparent Project.  This is another great organization that is truly helping the people of Haiti.  Many Haitians are employed through The Apparent Project.  They make jewelry, metal art, purses, handbags and all kinds of stuff.  Of course I bought some things for my wife and daughters.  When I buy these types of things here in Haiti I feel good about it.  I see first hand the sweat and effort it takes to make these things.  There is no comparison to buying things in a regular store.

After we finished up at The Apparent Project, Michelle and her gang dropped me off.  It was a great couple of hours.  I can't wait to visit the Chadasha Foundation children's home.  I hope to do that sometime next week.

Please, visit the websites I listed in this blog.  Christmas is right around the corner.  Why not buy some gifts that are truly special.  If you have any questions, please let me know.  Until next time, take care, stay safe and God Bless.

Baby Ken Ken

Some of the products produced by The Apparent Project.  With each item you get a card showing which artisan actually made the item.  

The end of Haiti Five-O

I've decided to end my second attempt at a blog regarding my experiences abroad. No one has suggested that I do so.  No one has ordered me to do so.  This is simply a decision I have made on my own.

In many ways, I considered to be therapeutic.  And, perhaps there are some people who found it interesting.  However, most people probably did not.

It's easy to use this type of platform to complain about something, though I often used it hoping that it would be uplifting to someone out there.  If I have a situation that I feel convicted to share, then I will do so on Facebook.  For those of you who read my blog(s), thanks.  This blog will be deleted on 10/2 and will no longer be available for viewing.

Mark Williams