As much as I hate to, there are some things that I need to be honest about. While I can't tell you everything that is on my mind, I can tell you some things that I believe are important.
For me, this mission started out on the wrong foot. There was some going back and forth about when I would leave for the pre-deployment training in Virginia. And, I admit that I was frustrated. But, this is common with international missions and I should have realized that, being an international mission veteran (Iraq -2006/2007).
A few days before leaving for Virginia, I purchased a brand new laptop computer. A few days later I managed to shatter the screen. So, I went and purchased another laptop computer. A few days after arriving in Haiti, that brand new computer decided to go down on me. I let a lot of little things bother me, things that are not that important in the grand scheme of things.
As I begin my third month here in Haiti I find myself searching for the reason or reasons I am here. I can tell you that I"m not here for the reasons that I initially thought. I'm not here just for the money. Though I would be less than truthful if I didn't admit that the money played a role in my decision to come here. I'll just leave it at that.
Many aspects of this mission are simply beyond my control. I have also come to realize that I need to re-focus my energy into something positive. I have been harboring some pretty negative feelings. One of my good friends in Iraq used to remind me that I needed to accept things for what they are, that I can't fix everything and there are some things that I cannot change. How profound that statement has become in my current situation.
I am a career law enforcement officer. While I am by no means perfect I have always worked hard, many times at the expense of my family. Now, I find myself once again in a foreign country. I never thought I would ever witness worse conditions than those I observed in Sadr City, Iraq which is a suburb of Baghdad. In 2006/2007 this was one of the most dangerous places on earth, probably second to Fallujah. The conditions there were deplorable. However, the conditions here in Haiti are even worse. I cannot even begin to describe the squalor these people live in.
Haiti was not in very good shape prior to the earthquake. Now, it is even worse. Hundreds of thousands were killed and many more were left homeless. Those people now live in tents all through Port-Au-Prince and even in some of the outlying areas. Very few Americans could tolerate these living conditions if they were placed in that situation.
Haiti is a very complicated country. It is not a post-war country. There has not been a civil war. Since 1957, Haiti has had at least seventeen Presidents. Compare this to the fact that the United States has only had forty-four Presidents since it's inception. As far as I can determine, each of the Haitian Presidents has been corrupt. The people have been "raped" and pillaged by their own government for the last fifty-four years. The Presidents have become millionaires or billionaires while the people have become poorer and poorer.
While there are many things about this mission that I don't like, it's no longer about that. And frankly, I have to somewhat careful about what I say. I have finally came to the realization that this mission is not about the United Nations, the Haitian National Police or the other 48 or 49 countries that make up the United Nations. For me, this mission is about what I can do.
I know that my wife is growing tired of my complaining. I complain out of frustration. And often times, I am judgmental about it. Thank God though that she listens. And, she occasionally brings me back to reality with some "tough love." She is an amazing woman. I thank God that I have her.
From this point on I know that I will have good days and bad days. I hope that the good outnumber the bad. I am going to be less concerned about the mission and more concerned about what I can do as an individual. I will continue to do my job, the job I was hired for. After all, my salary is paid by the American taxpayer.
Most importantly, I want to do what God wants me to do. In past blogs I have mentioned several Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs). Those being Chadasha Foundation, http://www.chadasha.org/ and Michelle and Greg Roberts. These two people, and their staff, are doing incredible work, God's work. I have grown to trust them and we have become friends. And, I've mentioned Rebuild Globally, http://www.rebuildglobally.org/ which is another great NGO. Julie Columbino and Sandra Fernandez, along with the rest of their staff, are incredible people. They too are doing great work.
As a matter of fact, Sandra contacted me tonight. She had with her two street kids. One of the kids, 13 years old, needed medical attention. I made a few phone calls and we got him the attention he needed. These two boys literally live on the streets of Port-Au-Prince. Their fathers were killed in the earthquake. The mother of one has abandoned him and the mother of the other is unable to care for him because she herself is sick. Hopefully, this kid can get the medical attention he needs now. This action probably at a minimum saved his foot and more likely his life. You can follow Sandra's one year journey here it Haiti at http://www.rebuildglobally.org/blog.html.
Well, rather than type a five page blog, let me get to the point. As I said, I will continue to do the job I am being paid to do. But more importantly, in my off time (which isn't much considering the fact that we work 7 days per week), I have decided, or God has decided for me, that I am going to focus my off-duty time on NGOs. I want to know what NGOs are here in country. I want to know what they do and how they can help me help someone else. I will focus primarily on American NGOs, primarily because of the language barrier involved with other countries. I hope to compile a detailed listing of the NGOs, what they can and can't do and then provide that listing to the NGOs themselves, so they can contact each other but also to my fellow UN police officers. That way, they will no what resources are available to them and how to contact those resources. I've learned, in the short time that I've been here, that most of the NGOs don't know each other. If we work hard enough, we can create a conglomeration and help each other out.
While this may not sound like a big deal to you, it is a huge deal to me. I have been searching, nearly giving up, on why I am here. God has presented opportunities time and time again. I am just now realizing what I need to do. I have to make a contribution to the people of Haiti as long as I am here. I know that this is what God wants me to do. Please pray for me and for the NGOs here in Haiti. Most importantly, please continue to pray for Chadasha, Rebuild Globally and for the Haitian people. Until next time, take care, stay safe and God Bless.
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